Mankind has made huge progress since the ancient days when we wandered the earth itinerantly and relied on fickle stars instead of a Tom Tom, or even Google Maps.
Yes, we have discovered great marvels like the George Foreman grill (just imagine how uneven Sabre Tooth Tigre meat would be without convection cooking) and small wonders like toilet paper (I have read much about our fore bearers but have yet to learn how they handled one of mankind’s greatest challenges.)
But before we get overly self congratulatory about our progress, I think it’s worth considering some of the great life lessons from our cavemen brethren.
1) The Tough Mudder, Every Day:
Without the aid of protein shakes or kale, cavemen rarely put on even a pound. Instead they followed a vigorous exercise regimen, a daily sweat fest that somewhat resembled the tough mudder but with only slightly less opportunity for team bonding between events. The swivel chair and ergonomic mouse had yet to be invented and our ancestors had little incentive or motivation to sit for eight hours a day.
Vericose viens were exceedingly rare in those days.
2) A Sophisticated Diet Plan:
Even before the advent of foie gras, the cavemen’s diet was surprisingly sophisticated. Everything was locally sourced, organic and free range. The menu was heavy on meats, berries and other simple grains. it was a hybrid that would both make Atkins proud while also satisfying Michael Pollan and discerning foodies, all before the advent of the Food Network.
3) Only Keep What You Can Carry:
Cavemen carefully avoided our natural obsession with hoarding in a very simple way. There were no shortage of great things available for the taking: ornate rocks, carefully chiselled bones and fur coats of every description (granted, yearly subscriptions to Nat Geo were still not available to collect dust in the cave cellar).
But you can just picture a caveman telling his wife “honey, I agree that giant hunk of quartz is a beauty, but I just can’t be running from a wholly mammoth with that thing strapped to my back”.
It was a remarkably effective strategy with the result that cavemen were the original pioneers of the minimalist lifestyle.
4) Family Comes First:
This was not something that little cavemen children learnt during endless reruns of the Cosby Show. Instead it was engrained from birth that your family was your most important worldly possession. These people formed the only barrier between you and everything the natural world could throw at you.
Dad was more than they guy who could grant you car privileges on the weekend. Instead, he was your only defence against some very toothy animals that wanted to add you to the food chain while you slept.
Clearly, this is not a guy you wanted to piss off.
5) Seise Each Day
Before Lululemon brought yoga to the mainstream and Deepak Chopra urged us to awake to a new consciousness, cavemen practiced a brand of new age lifestyle that will go down in the ages. This was largely for expediency, as our fore bearers had little time to reminisce about the past or look forward to the future.
Indeed, cavemen were the ultimate practitioners of living in the now. They seized each moment as if it were their last and lived each day to its absolute fullest without the requirement of yoga mats, tie die or Yanni recordings.
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