I wanted to share with the world my wellness regime. It’s quick, and it’s simple. But most importantly, it’s incredibly, life-changingly, and deceivingly effective.
Here it is. Every week, you shall do the following
- Workout your bicep, back and shoulders, which will take exactly, precisely 30 minutes (more about this below) ,
- Workout your chest and triceps which will take exactly, precisely 30 minutes.
That’s it. There is no nutrition plan, no cardio plan, and I don’t even specify what I should be doing those 30 minutes or where it needs to happen. That may sound incredibly vague, and even disappointing after such a bold title. So let me explain a bit more in order of importance, as to why this is the most effective routine ever invented and why my health has consistently gotten better over the years while my friends and colleagues seem to follow the “new year’s resolution” plan.
Exactly, precisely, 30 minutes:
That’s it. Your workout will take exactly, precisely, 30 minutes and simple math will show you that this is a total of one hour a week. I literally set a 30 minute timer and at the end- even if I’m totally in the zone, it’s over. 30 minutes is no accident. This is the same time it takes to watch a sitcom, or a couple of youtube videos. I think about this often. Many, if not most days, I absolutely do not feel like completing a workout. Maybe my two year old wanted to play ‘Mr. Dress Up’ at 3am or I just generally feel lethargic. Then I think: sometime in the day, I’ll likely do nothing-chat idly to a colleague, or login to Facebook or stare at a wall. Imagine, in that time I could have completed one of only two of my weekly commitments. It’s a tiny fragment of time. And then, reluctantly, I complete my obligation.
It’s short, but religious.
This is the biggest failing of 99% of exercise regimes like the insanity workout or caveman training . I’m sure that these are extremely effective. The caveat is, they only work if you complete them. And, after a couple of months of that, who, in their right mind would want to continue something they know is going to leave them exhausted and in pain. My plan is so unintimidating and the barrier to entry is so incredibly low, I can always drum up the energy to complete it. I’ve been doing this routine for over 15 years, and can probably count on my hands the number of missed weeks. These are not workouts- this is brushing your teeth. It’s something not totally unpleasant that just needs to be done or you are just left feeling kinda yuck.
It’s twice a week:
Here is the strange thing about two times a week. It’s enough that, in your head, you become a “healthy individual”. You are not a slob who does nothing like the masses, since more likely than not you just finished a workout over the past couple of days. This is where strange things happen. You want to eat better because, after all, that’s just what fit people who work out tend to do. Over the course of the week, you sometimes think… hmmm… maybe I should also go for a run to make sure my heart is in the same shape as my muscles. In other words exercise begets more exercise. Please note (and this is important) that there is no obligation to do anything other than the two, 30 minute workouts, but it just seems that things fall into place.
It doesn’t include legs or many other muscle groups and fuck you.
This is, in all honesty, not the most comprehensive workout. For instance, I always hated working out legs, and a few other body parts. But the secret is that, as with an above point, the barrier to entry needs to be low. The minute you give yourself an “out”, an excuse not to complete your twice weekly, piddly obligation, you almost unfailingly will chose to do so.
- What you actually do during that 30 minutes is not as important as you might think:
Here’s what I don’t do. I don’t write down a single exercise I complete. I don’t count
sets. I have no idea how much I’m lifting. Hell, I don’t even know what exercise I did during any given session. The only thing I know is that for that 30 minutes I spend concentrated, dedicated time on those body parts. If I see someone do a cool exercise I hadn’t thought of, I simply do it. This might sound anathema to any good workout routine- aren’t you supposed to try to improve each time? My answer is that unless you plan to make your livelihood as a bodybuilder, or have some other overall objective (which is about .05% of us) there is ABSOLUTELY NO reason to care how much you lifted. It’s like asking if you improved your toothbrushing lately- no you did what you needed to do to keep good dental hygiene that day or, in this case, what you needed to keep your body healthy.
It’s a good time to think/ catch up on interesting music or podcasts.
Now that the pressure is off to overthink the actual exercise, you can focus on other things, too. There are so many great podcasts and access to music is so easy that the workout is actually my chance to listen to some of this amazing content.
If you would like to give my miracle workout a try or have any other comments or suggestions please feel free to share!